revisiting an old indulgence

These are the days..

It's crazy how you meet hundreds of people through your life..
Brushing by each other.. but none of them every really touch you.
and then just one person changes everything..
makes you feel like your already everything you'll ever need to be.

So yes,Paul Simon, these are truly the days of miracle and wonder.

Old habits...Promises..Lies

Ages since I heard your voice,

This is far from what would be my choice,

I'd give anything to see you smile,

Like a dawn I haven't seen in such a while,

I dream about you all the time,

Being with you is more than sublime,

You let me know I wasn't alone,

And showed me I wasn't on my own

So never forget my promise to you,

I will wait as I have to,

No matter what happens or how it hurts,

You will never have to go on a search,

For I will always be here,

Even to wait endless years,

And even after all the tears,

I will still be here for you,

As ever, I promised to do,

With a single hope to see you smile,

Doing anything to make it last awhile

But when you come,

I hope your smile is true

And the spark in your eye is glittering real

Alas, for so many doubts

I know that you can conceal

For now,

I stand on the other side of the bars

Looking into a world unknown

I see you standing pretending you're ok

But I know inside there’s too much doubt

I will wait, endlessly, if I must

Just to have my best friend back

By your cage I will stand, waiting

Until the day your bars will crack

Sing for the day

As I gaze upon the sea of life,
And see Death's valleybefore me lie;

I feel assured I leave this strife,
To rest in peace
to rest forever beneath the sky
but hark a voice calls to me...

"be still and hear me"

Who is this intelligence I see
Staring in disbelief at me?
with gentle regard and kindly smile...

"listen to me, my lost chile
for you must sing as sweetly as you can.
Sing all the tunes you know.
Sweet is the life springing from death,
Sweeter still the day ahead
For to soon yet to rest
Spit on regret.
Damn the sorrow!
fight it with a stormy rage.
Curse the end, and blight the beginning if you must,
But live for the day,
And sing as sweetly as you can.
Listen not for the bells that ring tomorrow.
Make your music while you may".

impressions about "Him"

impressions about "Him" in chronological order (over the last 3 months) :

- The almighty hope-your-there

- The puissant theres-something-wrong-here

- The great maybe

- The omnipotent could-be

- The divine definately-not-there

Dawn

You smiled, you spoke, and I believed..

A wavering deep within the soul…

By every word and smile deceived…

Another man would hope no more !

Nor hoped what I hoped before

And in the depths of night my heart shall scream

Deceive, deceive me once again!

But in the early dawn do I see…

The blossoms die upon the tree

The leaves whither in the sun…

And I see…

Spring is done.

It goes now a wintry way

For love that smiled in October

Is false before Christmas day.

Questions ! Questions !

Was I wrong? Did I stray?

Why would this wound me so?

I ponder and I pray….

The only answer that I know…

Fare thee well, for I must leave,

In this parting do I grieve…

But no longer do I believe..

And so it is that we must part,

Adieu, adieu !

I can no longer wait for you,

I'll hang my harp on a willow tree,

And may the world go well with you…

Got hope ?

Which hope we have as an anchor of our soul, both sure and steadfast

- Hebrews 6:19

The last dance

Just when he thought that love had gone

Life was but shades of grey

She came into his life one day

As one last flimsy thread was drawn

hope, had once again found a way

What used to elude him more and more

yet she touched the center of his core

Being with her, he'd agree,

Unleashed his fear and set it free

With disbelief his heart would ask

Would this become another snare?

Will pain itself remove its mask

To face true love without a care?

In solitude his heart awaits

While trust had found its way again

With joyous leaps this life creates

A new beginning… another chance

May he have just one more dance ?

A picture can be magic

He was in a fret...

because he didn't know where to start..or how to...

how would he go about recreating to magic of memory without the proper tools ?

After brooding about it...a sudden thought struck him...he DIDN'T need any tools !!

he could start on any blank surface...it didn't have to be a canvas or even a proper paper...

All it needed to be was white.

We call it white because we need a word but its true name is "nothing"

Black is the absense of light.. but white is the absense of memory.. the color of "can't remember"

What better medium than that of emptiness to create ? a seemingly endless void...almost begging to give birth to life.

Imagine the courage required to re-establish the world and draw that first line...

to bring back to life something that was...empty..

He picked up a pencil... hesitated... and then marked the white...

After the initial hesitation... the lines seemed to take on a life of their own..flowing seamlessly into one another

the white no longer an absense of memory...but it's very epitome.

but as for all things,this universe must create a balance...

where life is created..there it must be destroyed as well...

the first line drawn so hesitantly to create someting had also become a slot...

a jarring smudge on the white

a slot for blackness to pour through.

but a mark had been made and there was no going back...

The white...had been marked. and nothing would change that.

The Seven against Thebes

Great Thebes,the mighty walled, I see

The seven gated town...

where brothers reigining annually ..passed too and fro the crown

Till Eteocles,despite the law...refuses with a frown

and the mighty Polyneices wars.. they burnt the city to the ground

The champions of argos, strive before each fearsome gate

Of seven who'll remain alive, is in the hands of fate

The brothers,at each others hand,are both for hades bound

Among those who come from much distant lands, two much missed friends are found

Tydeus,fighting axe in hand,is wounded by a foe - Melannipus, who makes a stand and lays the hero low..

but not before the axe in hand, has drunk it's longed for draft of blood

and severed from it's mighty trunk.. a head rolls in the mud

A final act of vengance when, before he meets his bane

the dead man's skull is spilt and Tydeus eats his brain

Amphiaraus,the god's own seer,fights firecely in the squall

and knowing that his end is near, triumphs over all !

A useless guesture, then he knows,avoiding fate to flee ?

for Zeus follows where he goes.. his thunderbolts the key

When lightning strikes, the earth will spasm,and he can only drive...

his steeds into a gaping chasm.. into hell alive

And greeted there upon the bank by the boatman of old,

who cares not for the trouble above and demands his ransom of gold.

------------------------------

Thought i'd get morbid in a more accepetable fashion this time :)

my personal favourite bit is the brains eating one :) I actually got the idea from a comic i was reading in office(!!!shh) and i found the story pretty interesting so i quickly googled it...

It's based on the story of "the Seven against Thebes" and "Eteocles and the Polyneices wars"

Incase your interested in the actual story, i refer you to a wiki link :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Against_Thebes

and a google books link :

http://books.google.co.in/books?id=3xGfiqR5rjAC&pg=PA107&lpg=PA107&dq=Polyneices+wars&source=bl&ots=ZIIlcS4PPx&sig=NrPkynEv0M-VpAjFgxzWTHqgIEw&hl=en&ei=-dewSoaQK6iG6AP0wtzfAQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1#v=onepage&q=Polyneices%20wars&f=false

Comments ??

the blue depths call...

Ever, in happiness, he had gone to the mountains
Some of the happiest times had been spent there.. and anyone who mattered had shared the serene beauty with him…

Ever, in sadness, he had run to the sea
During times of sorrow and loss, standing ankle deep at the edge, had always been a solace
A feeling that could not be shared..
In some indescribable manner, the sea seemed not only to be in sync with the sadness, it seemed to reflect an understanding… a comfort no human was capable of providing
Like a friend one meets after many long years yet no words are necessary
An ever patient acceptance
Unquestioning and ever understanding.. somewhat like a mother’s embrace, if one wished to be mawkish about it…

And once again in his life, he needed that friendship…
The time to leave had come…


*Sure.. sounds arbit.. but I really had trouble getting the words out in a way that would make sense
Sometimes, words just take on a mind of their own and simply have to be put down in whatever order they come out.. logical or not..whether you like it or not…

A heart's deepest fear

Do any of us, execpt in our dreams, truly expect to be reunited with our heart's deepest loves ? Even when they leave us only for minutes and on the most mundane of errands ?
No, Not at all.
Each time they go from our sight we, in our secret hearts, count them as dead.
Having been given so much, we reason, how could we expect not to be brought as low as lucifer for the staggering presumption of our love ?
Sometimes these fears are unfounded and baseless..if we are lucky
Because sometimes they can be all too true.

Belief

If, a year ago, someone had told him, he would be standing here, on the precipice of sanity, surrounded by dilemma… He would have laughed in their face... Time and again, he proudly used to tell everyone that the power of belief would be strong enough to tide anything over… “just believe in yourself” he used to smirk confidently…

And then the penny dropped… and hard.

Now, he had strangers walking up to him and telling him “life is good” “keep the faith” “It’s just a phase”… don’t give up hope! All those phrases he himself had blithely handed out like nuggets of wisdom from a cheap self help book

Is the hopelessness that apparent in his eyes? Can they see the terror, like that of a deer caught in the headlights and unable to move?

How does he tell them..it’s become like trying to climb some malevolent mountain… The treacherous stones giving way whenever he thought he had reached a stable out cropping and could rest…

Finding himself at the bottom, dusty and broken… staring up at the misty heights he’d been trying for so long to attain… Getting up each time had become increasingly difficult… This time, he can’t find the energy…

that final spark of hope has been extinguished..

Will he pick himself up?

Maybe a stranger will come along and guide him…

maybe even join him

Maybe together they will reach the top and discover a beauty undreamed of

Maybe… the grass will be green and the shade cool

The story is yet to play out….

Homecoming

the door creaked as she pushed it open, the rusty hinges protesting after months of disuse and bad weather...
Almost as if they were unhappy at this intrusion into their private world
A thick layer of dust coated every surface...it was difficult to imagine people had once lived here.
As the door grudgingly opened to her pressure, as dust motes danced in the sunlight let in from behind her...
She blinked
and it seemed it seemed life had returned to the empty house...
She saw herself...a young child, un aware and uncaring of what life would bring... racing across the room followed by her pet dog...
She blinked
....and it was gone
She walked in....hesitantly exploring every room... and every room held a memory

Eating lightly salted water melon in the heat of her summer vacation
Watching her favorite movie for the umpteenth time on the dilapidated old color TV
sneaking her first drag of a cigarette up on the terrace
crying in the garden at her first heart break

So many memories... most of them faded and buried... all brought back to life by the dusty sights and smells
Finally, unable to bear the weight of the memories, she sank down to the floor, dust streaking her jeans...
The salty drops of water from her eyes creating shiny round jewels...
The house seemed to embrace her and they cried together, alone in the dusky light... alone in the world.
After what seemed like an eternity... although only a few minutes had passed... she pushed herself up, unmindful of the dirt... or maybe even finding comfort in it... a little something she could carry away with her...

She walked out, locking the door behind her... and walked away... not looking back.


She called me a few day later... and i asked
"did u visit the old place then ?"
"yes..i did drop by"
"How was it ?"
"You know what they say.... you can go back to an old house.... but you can never go home again"

I never heard from her again.

Cliché

The long shadows of twilight long past..a dim memory...

Light is no longer welcome in this room...
nor is life.

The phones have been switched off...the doors locked...the windows shaded.
All that remains is me.
sitting on my throne of broken dreams and shattered sanity...
unmoving as the cobwebs gently caress my limbs
a new embrace...a much gentler embrace

As the body decays, the mind is set free of frivolous thoughts
It blossoms and expands
reaching out across the lands and beyond them
Set free from physical limitations
It begins a new journey

Every word from every line above is a cliché, in my mind... a typical ranting.. but then, whats wrong with that ?

An industrial fairy tale

Finally decided to post this....been sitting on my desktop for too long....
===================================================================
Once upon a time…long long Looonnngggg ago… in a land not far from here…
There existed an industrial wasteland… a dilapidated skeleton of a city…

And in this city, there lived a princess.
And in the wonderfully green outskirts… there lived a frog.

Let’s have a look at this rather wonderful frog first…
Imagine a perfectly normal frog….green mottled and slimy… with a marked penchant for large irradiated flies…
But ! on second glance… not a normal frog at all…

After all, how many frogs do we see walking upright, wearing a top hat, smoking a cigarillo… reading “the complete works of ShakySpears” and listening to an xpod** ?
( **for the techno geeks… an xpod is similar to an ipod in every way except for its near limitless memory…due to the fact that its hard drive is located mainly in hyperspace and is connected to the player via a small localized wormhole )

Well, our rather well read and technically cool frog is sauntering down a country lane, immersed in his book, with not a care in the world***
(***apart from the afore mentioned irradiated flies… which were wrecking havoc in the pseudo spatial gaming parlors…but that’s a story for another day)
When suddenly, a sweet singing stops him dead in his tracks… and the book drops to the damp ground, unnoticed… the froggie rock blaring from his headphones forgotten…
Quietly he creeps around the corner and see’s a vision of beauty lighting up the blasted landscape.

She’s sitting in her six-legged monkey drawn carriage, gently fanning herself while singing the sweetest melody the frog had ever heard from a cybernetically enhanced throat….

Ol’ Frog takes a swig from his hip flask, screws up his dutch courage….and hops across to the princess…

He looks up at the princess and asks “ croak croak croakty croak ?”

“Excuse me, Sir Frog… let me switch on my universal translator”
Click..whirr..click click whirr….
“Now, would you repeat yourself ?”

The frog clears his throat and once again pipes up…
“ My dear lady… would you, by any chance, happen to be a princess ?”

The princess looks down her extremely long nose at the tiny frog, while sticking her chin up into the air at a haughty angle ****
(****this mysterious trick of looking down on someone while sticking one’s chin in the air is a trick mastered only by women and the University of Blecklespeck long ago went bankrupt trying to solve it)

“Why, Sir frog, I shall, for this once, forgive your ignorance… putting it down to you being a simple country oaf”
“I am the Princess of 99”

Frog gaped at her..awestruck
Although he had no clue as to what a princess of 99 was supposed to be, it seemed suitably impressive for his purposes….

Bowing low, he murmurs “ forgive my insolence, O honored Princess of 99… your praises have long been sung far and wide across the land”

“ya right” she replies… somehow managing to look exotic even while frowning…
“do you know..frog legs are considered a delicacy in certain circles ?”

“umm…well…umm” his face going pale.

She sniggered…”Be at ease, Sir Frog…..am just fucking with u”

“oh well.. heh…nice one” still pale.

“So, el froggo… whatcha want ?”

“Weeeelllll…there’s this legend in our family that been handed down generation by generation….that we were once rather handsome humans and belonged to a great family of scientists but a genetic experiment gone wrong turned us into frogs….and only a kiss from a princess can cure this”.
“ewww…I hope you don’t expect me to… ??”
“I was hoping so”
The princess sat back thoughtfully…. Maybe something could be gained from this..
====================================================================
ooops...coz that'll be it till post 21st Jan... seems my clients have forgotten there's a recission going on....and my bosses have suddenly remembered there is one...sigh....
well....i can tell u that this will not end as expected....but many exciting things are yet to happen to froggie....
ps - thanks to CG for the inspiring this story......

My Friend

She is my friend and is with me nearly all the time....

She always joins me when I drink, and we get along just fine.....

Nobody has ever seen her, Im the only one.....

Seemingly I must be mad but insanity is fun.....

Doctors say she's just a figment of my twisted mind....but her eyes haunt me all the time....

If they cant see her they must be going blind

Two men dressed in white collected me two days ago....They said there's only room for one and she cant go....

I cant even ring her cause she doesn't have a phone.....Hasnt got a home

Life is very gloomy in my little padded cell.....Its a shame there wasnt room for her as well.....

HUMBUG !!!!

'Twas the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed,
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have good mind to scrap the whole works.

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter.

They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny,
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days - they all are the pits,
They want the impossible... Those mean little shits.

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls... Their arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them,
They want computers and robots... they think I'm IBM!

If you think thats bad... just picture this,
Try holding those brats... with their pants full of piss.
They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard,
And if I don't smile... the parents think I'm weird.

Flying through the air... dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.
I'm quitting this job... there's just no enjoyment,
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde... I'm going SOUTH for the season!!

A dream

He leaned back in his chair…. Looking on quietly… unable to tear his eyes away even for a second…
Looking at her as she lay curled up against the huge pillow… eyes closed… peace written all over her face…
She looked so much younger….dwarfed against that huge cushion… he could almost see the reflection of the child she had been….the worry lines around her eyes seemed to fade as she smiled…
He wondered what she was dreaming…. Would he be in those dreams ?

His smile faded as he realized… it would soon be time to wake her up…
There were others who had a greater claim to her time than he did… and they would soon begin wondering where she was…
She had come to him directly from the airport… and he feared the questioning “raised eyebrow” looks they would get…
Well…it would be faced when the time came… something had to be done…

Until then… it was time to end the dreams…

the seeking

They walked across the endless plains… no destination in mind
No destination….
But with a purpose firmly etched in their minds
With a hope of meeting their destiny and embracing it…
They walked….
Heedless of the hot sands and the cool grasses
Headless of shady forests and towering ruins….
They walked….
Their passing disturbed shadows and the beasts stirred…. Watching from a far with malevolent eyes…

Chasing the darkness which seemed to flee… forever a step ahead… but always tantalizingly within reach…They walked….